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Illinois Attorney General Kwame Raoul
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Keeping Communities Safe

Teen Dating Violence On-Line Resource Kit
Information for Young Men to Help Stop Teen Dating Violence

There are many things young men can do to help stop teen dating violence. Most teens know that violence against women is wrong. They don’t hurt their girlfriends, and they can help stop dating violence.

Most young men who hurt their girlfriends don’t think of themselves as “abusers.” Talking with them can help them work it out.

Here are some suggestions for how you can talk with a friend who has hurt his girlfriend. (Adapted from Men Stopping Violence)

Say what you’ve seen. “I heard you...” or “I saw you...”
- criticize her
- interrupt her when she was speaking
- yell at her
- hit her

And say how it effects you.
- I feel less respect for you.
- I’m surprised you’d talk like that to your baby’s mother.
- It frightens and concerns me.

Name what you think and want.
- You can’t treat her like that and still claim to love or respect her.
- I think you should stop interrupting her.
- She may upset you, but nothing can make you hit or threaten her.

Give him a reality check, tell him his violent behavior can have bad consequences, say “This is a crime and you could be arrested.”

Urge him to seek help. He can talk to a counselor, a coach, a parent or older bother, a member of the clergy, or any trusted adult.

Call the police when you witness abuse.

Find out where to get help for domestic violence and sexual assault survivors


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